The Allender Center Podcast

Continuing a conversation about hospitality, Dan invites his wife, Becky Allender, back to the podcast to recount a personal, life-changing experience that changed their perspective of hospitality. Sometimes it is assumed hospitality is setting a ‘perfect plate’ for guests, however, we need to remove ourselves from the idea that hospitality is simply entertainment. How are you engaging others at the grocery store, in your neighborhood, or at work? What does it mean to offer care and welcome from the heart? Throughout the episode you’ll hear more of Dan and Becky’s stories as well as how they are actively changing in order to become more hospitable in their day to day practices.

Listener Resources:

Read a blog post by Dr. Dan Allender titled “Forgotten Hospitality

Listen to the first episode in podcast series “A Summer of Hospitality

Direct download: TAC387-Hospitalitypt2-v2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

Hospitality over this past year for many meant logging onto a Zoom call, however, as we step into a ‘new normal’ there is greater opportunity to not only embody hospitality but to expand our understanding of what it means to truly ‘welcome the stranger.’

Listen as Dan talks with friend and fellow professor, Dr. Tremper Longman III, this week on the podcast about Old Testament practices of hospitality, the inequality of hospitality, and much more.

Listener Resources:

Read a blog post by Dr. Dan Allender titled “Forgotten Hospitality” - https://theallendercenter.org/2021/07/forgotten-hospitality/

Listen to the first episode in podcast series “A Summer of Hospitality” - https://theallendercenter.org/2018/06/summer-hospitality-1/

Direct download: TAC386-Hospitalitypt1-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

Dan is back this week with Abby Wong Heffter to talk about trauma in light of their upcoming training, Effective Trauma Care, in just a few weeks. Today’s episode is invaluable for anyone navigating the lasting effects of trauma from this past year, but particularly so for parents. Abby shares her own experiences of parenting as a mom and step-mom in this season, ways to know if a child has been significantly affected by trauma, and how to tend to your own mental health. 

Effective Trauma Care is coming up this July 22-23! Learn more about what Dan and Abby explore over this two-day event and register today. 

Resources

Listen to a podcast episode, “Parenting in the Midst of a Pandemic”

Direct download: TAC385-TraumaETCpt2-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

This week on the podcast, Dan begins the first of two conversations with special guest Abby Wong-Heffter, a teaching staff member at the Allender Center and coordinator of the Concentration in Trauma & Abuse at The Seattle School. Together they dive into the topic of trauma and the parts of Abby’s story that reveal how she found her way to becoming a trauma-informed therapist.

Direct download: TAC384-TraumaETCpt1-v2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

Picking up on the episode from last week, today you’ll hear the second half of a conversation on food and our bodies featuring guests Matt Tiemeyer, LMHC, and Diane Summers, RDN, CEDRD-S, CD. They discuss a range of topics from the connection between desire, shame, and food, to how we can heal our relationship with food and our bodies. And, as you listen, remember that no matter where you are at in your journey with food or in this season of heightened stress, it is never too late to “turn back to kindness.”

 

Listener Resources:

Matt Tiemeyer practices at Blue Harbor Counseling

Diane Summers practices at Hope Nutrition Therapy Center

Read an interview with Matt and Diane about Redeeming Food & Body

Direct download: TAC383-FoodBodyReshare2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

Food and how we feel about our bodies can be a place of great conflict, especially as  we emerge from the pandemic. It’s imperative we treat our bodies with kindness and be able to name the dangerous influence of diet culture. So today, we’re bringing this episode out from the archives! You’ll hear the first part of a conversation recorded in 2020 featuring guests Matt Tiemeyer, LMHC, and Diane Summers, RDN, CEDRD-S, CD about how we can step into greater kindness around food and our bodies.

Direct download: TAC281_FoodBodyreshare1-EDIT1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

This week on the podcast, Dan and Rachael continue their conversation about what flourishing looks like as we emerge into a different stage of the pandemic. Much is reopening, and yet we’re also waiting in anticipation for what is to come in the next few months. How can we continue to be faithful in the small without giving in to the urge to jump into major changes? What imagination can we grow for what we are anticipating in this next season of life, particularly as we begin to allow our hearts, bodies, and relationships to flourish?

Direct download: TAC381-FlourishingCovid2-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:30am PDT

As many communities are beginning to open back up and some semblance of “normal” returns, Dan and Rachael check in with each other and have an honest conversation about how they’re doing and what it means to be moving towards wellness. In some ways it feels like we’re engaging a new stage of a process versus a clear ending as the pandemic is very much ongoing in many parts of the world, and for some instead of gaining more energy we’re beginning to process the impact of this past year.  So, as Dan and Rachael discuss, how can we be honest with ourselves about expectations, what we’re feeling in our bodies, and how can we move into reopening with intentionality?

Listener Resources:

Read a blog post “Honoring Our Bodies in the Midst of Embodied Trauma”

Listen to a podcast, “Parenting in the Midst of a Pandemic”

Listen to a podcast episode with guest Dr. Steve Call, “Connection in Marriage During a Pandemic”

Direct download: TAC380-FlourishingCovid1-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

Today Dan and Rachael revisit one of the most listened-to topics on the podcast: spiritual abuse. However, before we dive into the conversation, we recognize that we cannot address the reality of spiritual abuse without taking into account that many, many people have encountered violations of various kinds within spiritual contexts. Over the course of their conversation today, the first of two on this topic, you’ll hear more about how to define spiritual abuse in Christian contexts, tools used by spiritually abusive leaders to maintain power and control, and the insidious nature of spiritual abuse.

Listener Resources:

Register to attend Confronting Spiritual Abuse on June 5

Listen to a podcast episode, “Narcissism and the Church with Chuck DeGroat”

Listen to our very first, three-part podcast series on Spiritual Abuse

Listen to a podcast episode about the particulars of “Mind Control and Dogmatism in Spiritual Abuse”

Direct download: TAC376-SpiritualAbuse-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

Over the past few weeks on the podcast we’ve talked about grief on a more personal level in our lives, but we also recognize we’re in the midst of an unrelenting season of trauma and grief on a collective scale. So today, Dan and Rachael invite guests Danielle Castillejo, Rebecca Wheeler Walston, and Rev. Michael S. Chen to the podcast to continue a conversation about the nature and impact of collective grief. As you’ll hear Dan say, you may not see how your story fits into this conversation, but “part of the development of wisdom is to enter a world we may not be familiar with” and we encourage you to be open to hearing the wise words these guests have to share.

Listener Resources:

Read a blog post by Danielle Castillejo “Emergency Mental Health Care: How Therapists of Color Contend with Racial Trauma”

Direct download: TAC377-Grief3-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

Dan and Rachael continue a conversation about grief on the podcast, this week engaging Jeanette White, Interim Senior Director of The Allender Center. Jeanette, a dear friend and colleague of our hosts, graduated from The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology with an MA in Christian Studies in 2007 and has been an essential member of The Allender Center since its founding in 2011. As you listen to their conversation, you’ll hear them discuss in more depth Jeanette’s story and the two sides of grief—one that is messy and hard, and the other that opens your heart and eyes to the realities that we cannot engage without walking through the valley of the shadow of death. As we are in a season of collective loss, trauma, and grief, it is our hope that grief would move us to a deeper understanding of the suffering of others and ways we can come alongside and be a catalyst for care.

Listener Resources

Listen to a podcast series about “The Grief of Miscarriage

Direct download: TAC376-Grief2_v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

This week on the podcast, Dan and Rachael begin a new series that takes a deeper look into the topic of grief. In this particular episode they engage in conversation with special guest Mary Ellen Owen, who is a core member of The Allender Center team as well as a mental health therapist with over 20 years of experience. Rachael describes her as a woman with wild depth and someone well acquainted with grief, both in her own life and the lives of those she serves. 

So, what are we talking about when we talk about grief? Over the course of their conversation, you’ll hear more about the necessity of and different kinds of grief, what boundaries we put up to avoid engaging grief, and how grief connects us to the work of Jesus and the tenderness of God.

Listener Resources

Direct download: TAC375-Grief1-v3.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:30am PDT

In these days of what feels like endless ache and wave after wave of trauma and demand for resilience, we have the opportunity to develop a greater capacity to know who we are and who God is in the midst of this season. Today we’re re-sharing the second part of a series on qualities of a well-lived story, and we’re excited for you to revisit these conversations with our friends and partners in this work. You’ll hear from one of the most courageous people we know, Danielle Castillejo, who is a therapist, writer, activist, and podcast host, and Jimmy McGee, President and CEO of The Impact Movement, who is someone who exhibits Gospel curiosity in his life and ministry.

Direct download: TAC374-WellLivedStoryReshare2-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:07pm PDT

Every day we’re reminded what it means in this odd and heartbreaking season to live well the Gospel story and the story we have been uniquely called to live. That being said, we feel right now is timely to revisit a podcast series we did about qualities of a well-lived story. Stories so deeply influence how we respond to crisis, events, the people around us, and how we live in the world, particularly as we talk about the qualities of courage, commitment, care, and that deep need for kindness. Throughout this series we talk with our spouses, friends, and colleagues that we’ve looked to to say, “this is someone who’s living well in the midst of their story,” and it is our hope that you’ll be invited to engage these themes in your own life and story.

Direct download: TAC373-WellLivedStoryReshare1-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:30pm PDT

Today we’re pausing to share an important conversation with you from our partner, The Impact Movement. They host a series of panel discussions called "Real Talks" which are live conversations about real-time topics at the intersection of faith and justice. A few weeks ago, they hosted a Real Talk called "Stop Asian Hate: Christian Responses to Anti-Asian Racism" featuring Rev. Dr. Soong-Chan Rah, Rev. Sabrina Chan, and our colleague Sam Lee and former colleague Jen Oyama Murphy.

 

We are honored that Impact Movement and the panelists have given us permission to share this conversation with you. You'll hear this important and timely discussion about the surge in anti-Asian racism and violence taking place across our country. We hope you take the time to listen to this conversation and let the words and experiences of the panelists bring you closer to the truth and impact of the gospel. 

Listener Resources

Follow the Impact Movement on Facebook and Instagram

Direct download: TAC372-RealTalkReshare-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:30am PDT

Today we’re pausing to share an important conversation with you from our partner, The Impact Movement. They host a series of panel discussions called "Real Talks" which are live conversations about real-time topics at the intersection of faith and justice. A few weeks ago, they hosted a Real Talk called "Stop Asian Hate: Christian Responses to Anti-Asian Racism" featuring Rev. Dr. Soong-Chan Rah, Rev. Sabrina Chan, and our colleague Sam Lee and former colleague Jen Oyama Murphy.

 

We are honored that Impact Movement and the panelists have given us permission to share this conversation with you. You'll hear this important and timely discussion about the surge in anti-Asian racism and violence taking place across our country. We hope you take the time to listen to this conversation and let the words and experiences of the panelists bring you closer to the truth and impact of the gospel. 

Listener Resources

Follow the Impact Movement on Facebook and Instagram

Direct download: TAC372-RealTalkReshare-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:30am PDT

After spending a few minutes remembering the joys of celebrating Easter last weekend, Dan and Rachael turn to the text to walk through the resurrection story. In today’s episode, you’ll hear them step back into what the resurrection brings, which is “deadly serious play” as we get to stand before evil and darkness and say, “Oh death, where is your sting?” 

Listener Resources

Read a blog post published last spring that discusses themes of Holy Saturday titled “Noticing the Dead Things

Direct download: TAC371-ResurrectionDefiance2-v2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:17pm PDT

It feels as though we’ve been living in a year of Lent, Dan comments, let alone the past forty days as we near the end of Holy Week. So, on this Holy Saturday, Dan and Rachael begin a timely conversation about the reality, disruption, and defiance of the resurrection. The resurrection is not meant for only sometime in the future, but for the here and now. We need to remember that though death persists, it does not have the final say. This is why, as Rachael notes, we can hold onto hope and follow in the way of Jesus, doing the holy work of living in a way that stands at odds against the status quo structures of this world.

Resources:

Follow @aapi.liturgy on Instagram

Listen to an episode on “Holding the Tension of Holy Saturday”

Read an article by Abby Wong-Heffter titled “Racism and Sexual Harm: Seeds of White Supremacy and Anti-Asian Violence”

Direct download: TAC370-ResurrectionDefiance1-v2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

Dr. Pam Davis again joins Dan and Rachael to continue their conversation about how to help kids in this year of pandemic and the many other global and social events our kids are exposed to. This week, she talks about how we can differentiate between normal mental health struggles in children, when we may need to seek help, and how to tell the difference. Listen and learn what steps you can take to engage children’s mental health and be reminded that this is not a normal time—we need an abundance of kindness both towards ourselves and those around us as we navigate this challenging season.

Direct download: TAC369-Parenting2-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:39pm PDT

Dr. Pam Davis, Associate Professor of Counseling at Gordon-Conwell Seminary and Director of the Counseling Department at Charlotte campus, joins Dan and Rachael to engage the immense difficulty of parenting in a pandemic and speak directly to those working with children. You’ll hear understanding affirmations and how Dr. Davis addresses the oftentimes overwhelming challenge of needing to care for yourself in order to care for your children, the importance of play, and other vital resources to utilize in this season.

Resources:

Learn more about Dr. Pam Davis and her work

Listen to an episode from the early months of the pandemic titled “Parenting in the Midst of a Pandemic”

Read an article by Dr. Pam Davis recently published in Psychology Today titled “Fostering Resilience in Children during a Pandemic”

Read a blog post by Jay Stringer about “Good Enough Parenting in a Time of Crisis”

Direct download: TAC368-Parenting1-v2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:40pm PDT

Following their conversation from last week about the impact of trauma on our body and our brain, Dan and Rachael turn their attention to ways we can begin to find healing in the midst of ‘trauma overload.’ This is not a prescriptive list of all the things you must do, but rather options available to you to start where and when you can. Ultimately, as Dan and Rachael come back to time and time again, it’s about being faithful in the small and the kindness of God that brings about the transformation and healing we’re most meant for.

Resources:

Register for “Trauma and the Body,” an online event exploring the impact of trauma on relationships, self, and body

Direct download: TAC367-CovidTraumaBody2-v3.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:23pm PDT

We’re coming up on a full year of living in the midst of not only a global pandemic, but multiple crises on a national, communal, and personal scale. So today, Dan and Rachael dive into a much-requested topic from our listeners: What is trauma, and what happens to our bodies in the midst of trauma? It’s important to name and honor what you’re experiencing as many of us, if we’re being honest, are not doing well, having hit our “pandemic wall” long ago. You’ll hear our hosts begin to provide language and a framework for how trauma impacts our brains, our physical bodies, and share examples of what this looks like from their own experiences.

It is our hope that by providing these definitions and categories you will be able to name what is happening in your body, be more prepared to engage trauma, and be able to tend to yourself, your family, and your community in this season.

Resources:

Register for “Trauma and the Body,” an online event exploring the impact of trauma on relationships, self, and body

Listen to the podcast episodes Dan refers to on “Not Doing Well”

Listen to a podcast episode from the beginning of the year titled “Love and Courage in a Global Pandemic”

Direct download: TAC366-CovidTraumaBody1-v2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:40am PDT

Picking up their conversation from last week, Dan and Cathy turn their attention to uncovering the roots of conflict in relationships and how we can move towards true connection. Oftentimes conflict arises because we cannot name what we truly need, or we cannot see past our own contempt—ultimately there is something keeping us from seeing the other well. Redemption is possible, but we must be willing to engage our conflict in a way we’ve not experienced before.

Resources:

Listen to the first episode in this series, “Conflict in Relationships”

Purchase access to the recording of the one-day conference “From Conflict to Connection: A Conference for Couples”

Listen to a podcast that introduces the archetypes of orphan, widow, and stranger: “Calling and Character: Prophet, Priest, King”

Listen to a podcast episode titled “Reconnection in Marriage with Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Steve Call”

Direct download: TAC325-ConflictConnection2-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

There is no doubt that we are living in a time that heightens levels of conflict and contention in our relationships. Having just finished a one-day conference on this topic, Dr. Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel talk today on the podcast about their recent, personal experiences with conflict, particularly in this pandemic era. In this season, the ways we engage in and relate to conflict look different. You’ll hear Dan and Cathy talk about the reality of this conflict, what we can learn from our styles of relating in conflict, and how, underneath it all, is a deep-seated war with desire.

Resources:

Purchase access to the recording of the one-day conference “From Conflict to Connection: A Conference for Couples”

Listen to a podcast episode on “The Reality of Marriage in COVID-19”

Read a blog post by Jay Stringer titled “Good Enough Parenting in a Time of Crisis”

Direct download: TAC324-ConflictConnection1-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

“How is your Sabbath?” As he opens the conversation on this week’s podcast, Dr. Dan Allender invites us to consider this question of ourselves. You’ll hear him and Rachael discuss the particulars of their own Sabbath practices, the wildness and play they each experience, and how Sabbath is not bound to a certain day or strict code of conduct. A true Sabbath is meant to engage both beauty and heartbreak, to stretch us, to grow us, and to show us the places where we long for the Kingdom of God in the here and now. 

Direct download: TAC323-Sabbath2-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:51pm PDT

A “day of delight” is not an easy topic to engage in the midst of this season. Nevertheless, it is a vital practice that is needed more than ever before and, as Dan surmises, is less engaged than at any other time. Listen as Dan and Rachael engage the true meaning of Sabbath, how it is meant to be a taste of the coming Kingdom of God and what we are meant for, and common misconceptions that accompany this day of restoration.

Direct download: TAC322-Sabbath1-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

This week on the podcast, Wendell Moss, a Teaching Staff member of The Allender Center, hosts special guest Dr. Brenda Salter McNeil for a conversation about her work in racial reconciliation. Dr. Salter McNeil is internationally recognized for her work in reconciliation, is an Associate Professor of Reconciliation Studies at Seattle Pacific University, and is the Associate Pastor of Preaching and Reconciliation at Quest Church in Seattle. You’ll hear more about Dr. Salter McNeil’s background, the transformative changes she’s made in her work of racial reconciliation and her exhortations to both the White evangelical church and People of Color in the church.

Direct download: TAC321-BecomingBrave-v2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

As a follow up to last week’s conversation, Dr. Chuck DeGroat returns to the podcast to answer listener questions about narcissism with Dan and Rachael. How are we to engage a person who might be a parent, spouse, or spiritual leader who has narcissistic characteristics? How do we engage a narcissist with wisdom? And, on a larger scale, how do we recognize the symptoms of a narcissistic church culture?

We are deeply grateful for our community, for your bravery in asking these vulnerable questions. We ask that, as you listen to this conversation, you pay attention to what it stirs in your body and give yourself the care and space you need to engage.

Listener Resources:

Follow Chuck DeGroat on Twitter

Read Chuck’s book, When Narcissism Comes to Church

Learn more about Chuck and the resources he offers

Listen to the first podcast episode in a series on Spiritual Abuse

Direct download: TAC320-NarcissismListenerQuestions-v2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:41pm PDT

Today on the podcast, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen have a timely conversation with Chuck DeGroat, professor of Counseling and Christian Spirituality at Western Theological Seminary, licensed therapist, and spiritual director. He is the author of Leaving Egypt: Finding God in the Wilderness Places as well as When Narcissism Comes to Church, which serves as the primary topic of conversation throughout this episode. In this special episode, you’ll learn more about the characteristics of narcissism, how Chuck came to address narcissism in the context of the church (particularly in the realm of church planting), and the reckoning that is taking place in the church today to dismantle structures of narcissism.

Direct download: TAC318-Narcissism-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:30am PDT

This past year was unlike any other we’ve experienced. Our plans, goals, resolutions, and carefully crafted calendars for 2020 were all but thrown out the window as a result of the pandemic. It’s normal to look back at the year with grief  for all that was lost and not accomplished. The feeling of regret, however, can become so heavy that it pulls us down into a cycle of negative thinking, contempt, and judgement. How then are we to begin a new year with grace for ourselves in order to move forward into all that 2021 has to offer?

Last year, Dan and Becky addressed the issue of regret, and how so often our regrets inhibit us from reflecting well on the past. To address regret, Dan says, we need to be able to acknowledge that it is a “cheap counterfeit” of what we are afraid of, which is allowing our hearts to open to what we most desire in relationship with others. Regret has the ability to open ourselves to dreams and desires, but we need to ask ourselves: Can we bless our desires, even in the midst of this sadness?

Direct download: TAC317-BeginningAndEndingRegretReshare-v2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

We may be at the start of a new year, but that does not mean we leave all of what transpired in 2020 behind—this season will continue to ask much of us. As you’ll hear Dan comment, it’s no surprise we now find ourselves at the “intersection between dread and incredible hope.” While not the typical tone that accompanies a New Year’s podcast episode, Dan and Rachael instead present us with an unusual invitation to slow down, to be gentle with ourselves, and allow ourselves to taste something of hope.

Direct download: TAC316-NewYear-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT