The Allender Center Podcast
This Christmas day we are taking a break from our regularly scheduled episodes, but wanted to leave you with a reading of Mary’s Song, The Magnificat, as a way to celebrate the radical nature of the incarnation and the Advent season.
Direct download: TAC409_Bonus.mp3
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This season of gift-giving may prompt a myriad of layered feelings: excitement, pressure, anticipation, dread, hope, and inadequacy.

How do we give gifts that are truly meaningful and encourage a deeper connection with the recipient? Join Dan and Rachael as they discuss gifting in this special holiday episode.

Direct download: TAC408-Gifting.mp3
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As we enter the Advent season, Dan and Rachael reflect upon Mary’s Magnificat with theologian Dr. Chelle Stearns from the Seattle School of Theology & Psychology. Join the conversation to consider what it means to let our hearts be open to our own places of ache yet also be open to the invitation to transform in response to this revolutionary idea of “God with us.”

Direct download: TAC407Advent1c.mp3
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As we continue to celebrate the 10th Anniversary of The Allender Center, we have two special guests from The Allender Center team joining Dan and Rachel this week: Linda Royster from the Training and Pastoral Team, and Sam Lee, the Director of Facilitator Development.

Linda and Sam candidly share their experiences as BIPOC leaders on The Allender Center team pursuing the work of defining and healing trauma.

Direct download: TAC406-Anniversary4-Commercial.mp3
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Join Dan and Rachael as they explore the intimate relationships we have in our lives now - our spouses, children, roommates and friends - and how we can embrace grief and gratitude to engage with those closest to us.

Direct download: TAC405_Grief-Marriage_Commercial.mp3
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As we prepare to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday, Dan and Rachael continue their discussion on the intersection of grief and gratitude, focussing on how to engage those categories in our families of origin. In this episode, they dive into how to balance these two realities in our stories while we’re in a season of family gatherings and celebrations.

Direct download: TAC404_Grief_-_Family.mp3
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Dan and Rachael start a new series on grief and gratitude. In this episode, they outline the importance of being open to grieving in order to be open to true gratitude and the ways our bodies naturally respond in both grief and gratitude.

Direct download: TAC403_Grief_-_Body.mp3
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Dr. J. Derek McNeil, president of The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology and Cathy Lorezel, Co-founder of The Allender Center join Dan and Rachael for a special anniversary episode. They share some beginning behind-the scenes stories of how The Allender Center was birthed and what drives us to stay in this work in the future.

Direct download: TAC402_Anniversary3.mp3
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This week, Dan and Rachael discuss how hiding keeps us from being authentic. Sometimes hiding can be an outright refusal to let others see, and other times, our hiding can be harder to notice. In the episode, Dan and Rachael talk about the ways we hide, how to let others know and see us more, and the freedom that comes with that kind of authenticity.

 

Direct download: 401-Hiding_Masking.mp3
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This week, Dan and Rachel discuss sabotage and its connection to self contempt, which has capacity to ruin communities and lives.

Direct download: 400_Sabotage.mp3
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This week, Dan and Rachael discuss scapegoating as a kind of rage that moves into the dehumanization of others. Stemming from contempt and judgement, the topic of scapegoating also brings up the experiences of projection and envy. As they ponder these categories, the ask the question: How do we become aware of our own propensity towards scapegoating and our use of it to escape what we don't want to have to see and own in our own hearts?

Direct download: 399_Scapegoating.mp3
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What keeps us from engaging well with one another? 

For the next few weeks on the podcast, Dan and Rachael are going to be debating four categories that prevent us from connecting well, beginning with rage. In a time when people’s margins and capacity are thinner than ever, how do we differentiate between rage and anger and how we can attend to our bodies and wellbeing in the midst of someone’s rage?

Direct download: 398_Rage-Anger.mp3
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When Cyndi Mesmer agreed to participate in the very first Training Certificate program in 2011 (now Certificate in Narrative Focused Trauma Care Level I), she anticipated a laid-back conference where she would gather a few insights and make small talk with other attendees. 

Instead, what she and fellow facilitator Scott Gibson encountered would change the course of their lives, relationships, and therapeutic practices. So today on the podcast, as we continue to celebrate 10 years of The Allender Center, Dan and Rachael engage Cyndi and Scott in conversation about how they first came to be involved with The Allender Center and why they’ve remained, how engaging their own stories and the stories of others impact their practices and relationships, and so much more. 

Direct download: 10_yr_1.mp3
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Today on the podcast, Dan and Rachael finish a conversation on spiritual and sexual abuse by discussing the impact of these types of abuse and ways we can begin to find healing. They acknowledge that at times it can be difficult to distinguish between the two, determine which came first, or how they affect the other, which is to be expected—these abuses are complex and nuanced. As you listen to the episode, can you begin to wonder: How can you begin to heal, to enter your story and honor your body without causing more harm to yourself?

Direct download: TAC396_v1.mp3
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In this episode, Dan and Rachael begin to talk about the connections between sexual and spiritual abuse. Sexual abuse is also spiritual abuse, but not all spiritual abuse involves clear sexual abuse. They discuss the nuances, definitions, and processes of these two types of abuse and the intimate connection between our bodies as image-bearers of our Creator and the violation that occurs when someone commits abuse against another. We enter into this episode knowing the topics of spiritual and sexual abuse carry a certain kind of heaviness for many of our listeners. Particularly in this season, please tend kindly to your body and know that you can return to listen another time if this is not right for you today.

Direct download: TAC395_v1.mp3
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What goes into the creation of a book? In this special episode, we take a deep dive into the making of Dr. Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel’s new release, Redeeming Heartache: How Past Suffering Reveals True Calling. Special guest host Dr. J. Derek McNeil, President & Provost of The Seattle School, Dan, and Cathy discuss how the idea for the book came to be, the process and challenges of writing a book together, particularly in the midst of COVID, and the prophetic nature of the content. As they close the conversation, Derek poses a poignant question to Dan and Cathy—and to us all: What does it mean to celebrate our own stories?

Direct download: TAC394_v1.mp3
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No story is without its share of joy, anticipation, trials, and victories, and the same can be said about the founding of The Allender Center. This year we are celebrating 10 years as a center and place where people have found healing from trauma. It has been an immense honor to be able to hear and walk with you through your stories of harm into restoration. Today, Dan and Rachael share memories and tales with Becky Allender and Jeanette White, Interim Senior Director, both former guests of the podcast and founding members of The Allender Center. You’ll get to hear true behind-the-scenes stories of how The Allender Center came to be and what drives them to continue this work today.

Direct download: TAC393-FINAL.mp3
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For the final episode in our series on engaging stories, Dan and Rachael talk with therapist, podcast host, and Allender Center facilitator,  Adam Young. Many of you may be familiar with Adam from his podcast, “The Place We Find Ourselves,” and throughout this conversation you’ll begin to hear more about Adam’s story and how a life-altering encounter with his father set him on a path to become a mental health counselor. Follow along as Dan and Rachael engage his story by asking key questions, from how he experiences beauty to how he lives as someone attuned to and in the middle of the trauma around him.

Listener Resources:

Direct download: TAC392-AdamYoung.mp3
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Listener Resources:

  • Learn more about Sue and her counseling practice - susan-cunningham.com
  • Curious about pursuing your own story work? Learn more about and apply to Story Workshop—applications due August 31, 2021: https://theallendercenter.org/event/story-workshop-october-2021/
Direct download: TAC391-SueStory-v2.mp3
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Today is the start of a series of episodes we’ve been eagerly waiting to share with you. We're going to be engaging the stories of some of our dear friends and colleagues in order to help you—our listeners— get a better sense for how to look at and read your own story. In this episode, Dan and Rachael talk with Gwen St. John, a therapist and long-time Allender Center facilitator, about how her experience growing up shaped who she is today as someone with high sensitivity, and how this led her to become a “reader of people and the world.” Listen closely to the ways Dan and Rachael engage her stories of harm with care and kindness, and how they invite her to stay in her body while recounting these stories.

Listener Resources:

Direct download: TAC390-GwenStory-v4.mp3
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We all need space to play: a concentrated period of time that opens the door for the restoration that our hearts and bodies most desperately need. One of the ways Dan, Rachael, and good friend Dr. Steve Call find restoration is through fly fishing. Over the course of this podcast episode, you’ll hear both humorous and insightful anecdotes from all three about their various endeavors into fly fishing and, even if you yourself are not energized by fishing, you can’t help but be swept up by their delight. And as you listen, ask yourself: Why do we need something that so deeply captivates us?

Listener Resources:

Listen to the podcast series, “A Summer of Play”

Read blog post “It’s Summer, Let’s Play!” by Robyn Whitaker

Listen to podcast episode “Play, Anxiety and Resilience: How to Help Kids in a Pandemic” featuring special guest Dr. Pam Davis

Direct download: TAC389-FlyFishing-v2.mp3
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In the final episode on hospitality, Dan and Becky step into the realms of ideas, experiences, and suffering. What does it look like to be hospitable to an idea, particularly a new idea, that is offered to us? How can we be more hospitable to suffering, and what does that look like? Throughout their conversation, Dan emphasizes the importance of being able to differ with an idea while also being able to welcome it and ask questions that are not defensive, but have a kind of hospitality that will allow us to be transformed by what we’re engaging.

Listener Resources:

Listen to the first two episodes of this series on Hospitality

Read Romans 12:9-21 (MSG)

Read a blog post by Dr. Dan Allender titled “Forgotten Hospitality”

Listen to the first episode in podcast series “A Summer of Hospitality”

Direct download: TAC388-Hospitalitypt3-v1.mp3
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Continuing a conversation about hospitality, Dan invites his wife, Becky Allender, back to the podcast to recount a personal, life-changing experience that changed their perspective of hospitality. Sometimes it is assumed hospitality is setting a ‘perfect plate’ for guests, however, we need to remove ourselves from the idea that hospitality is simply entertainment. How are you engaging others at the grocery store, in your neighborhood, or at work? What does it mean to offer care and welcome from the heart? Throughout the episode you’ll hear more of Dan and Becky’s stories as well as how they are actively changing in order to become more hospitable in their day to day practices.

Listener Resources:

Read a blog post by Dr. Dan Allender titled “Forgotten Hospitality

Listen to the first episode in podcast series “A Summer of Hospitality

Direct download: TAC387-Hospitalitypt2-v2.mp3
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Hospitality over this past year for many meant logging onto a Zoom call, however, as we step into a ‘new normal’ there is greater opportunity to not only embody hospitality but to expand our understanding of what it means to truly ‘welcome the stranger.’

Listen as Dan talks with friend and fellow professor, Dr. Tremper Longman III, this week on the podcast about Old Testament practices of hospitality, the inequality of hospitality, and much more.

Listener Resources:

Read a blog post by Dr. Dan Allender titled “Forgotten Hospitality” - https://theallendercenter.org/2021/07/forgotten-hospitality/

Listen to the first episode in podcast series “A Summer of Hospitality” - https://theallendercenter.org/2018/06/summer-hospitality-1/

Direct download: TAC386-Hospitalitypt1-v1.mp3
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Dan is back this week with Abby Wong Heffter to talk about trauma in light of their upcoming training, Effective Trauma Care, in just a few weeks. Today’s episode is invaluable for anyone navigating the lasting effects of trauma from this past year, but particularly so for parents. Abby shares her own experiences of parenting as a mom and step-mom in this season, ways to know if a child has been significantly affected by trauma, and how to tend to your own mental health. 

Effective Trauma Care is coming up this July 22-23! Learn more about what Dan and Abby explore over this two-day event and register today. 

Resources

Listen to a podcast episode, “Parenting in the Midst of a Pandemic”

Direct download: TAC385-TraumaETCpt2-v1.mp3
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This week on the podcast, Dan begins the first of two conversations with special guest Abby Wong-Heffter, a teaching staff member at the Allender Center and coordinator of the Concentration in Trauma & Abuse at The Seattle School. Together they dive into the topic of trauma and the parts of Abby’s story that reveal how she found her way to becoming a trauma-informed therapist.

Direct download: TAC384-TraumaETCpt1-v2.mp3
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Picking up on the episode from last week, today you’ll hear the second half of a conversation on food and our bodies featuring guests Matt Tiemeyer, LMHC, and Diane Summers, RDN, CEDRD-S, CD. They discuss a range of topics from the connection between desire, shame, and food, to how we can heal our relationship with food and our bodies. And, as you listen, remember that no matter where you are at in your journey with food or in this season of heightened stress, it is never too late to “turn back to kindness.”

 

Listener Resources:

Matt Tiemeyer practices at Blue Harbor Counseling

Diane Summers practices at Hope Nutrition Therapy Center

Read an interview with Matt and Diane about Redeeming Food & Body

Direct download: TAC383-FoodBodyReshare2.mp3
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Food and how we feel about our bodies can be a place of great conflict, especially as  we emerge from the pandemic. It’s imperative we treat our bodies with kindness and be able to name the dangerous influence of diet culture. So today, we’re bringing this episode out from the archives! You’ll hear the first part of a conversation recorded in 2020 featuring guests Matt Tiemeyer, LMHC, and Diane Summers, RDN, CEDRD-S, CD about how we can step into greater kindness around food and our bodies.

Direct download: TAC281_FoodBodyreshare1-EDIT1.mp3
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This week on the podcast, Dan and Rachael continue their conversation about what flourishing looks like as we emerge into a different stage of the pandemic. Much is reopening, and yet we’re also waiting in anticipation for what is to come in the next few months. How can we continue to be faithful in the small without giving in to the urge to jump into major changes? What imagination can we grow for what we are anticipating in this next season of life, particularly as we begin to allow our hearts, bodies, and relationships to flourish?

Direct download: TAC381-FlourishingCovid2-v1.mp3
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As many communities are beginning to open back up and some semblance of “normal” returns, Dan and Rachael check in with each other and have an honest conversation about how they’re doing and what it means to be moving towards wellness. In some ways it feels like we’re engaging a new stage of a process versus a clear ending as the pandemic is very much ongoing in many parts of the world, and for some instead of gaining more energy we’re beginning to process the impact of this past year.  So, as Dan and Rachael discuss, how can we be honest with ourselves about expectations, what we’re feeling in our bodies, and how can we move into reopening with intentionality?

Listener Resources:

Read a blog post “Honoring Our Bodies in the Midst of Embodied Trauma”

Listen to a podcast, “Parenting in the Midst of a Pandemic”

Listen to a podcast episode with guest Dr. Steve Call, “Connection in Marriage During a Pandemic”

Direct download: TAC380-FlourishingCovid1-v1.mp3
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Today Dan and Rachael revisit one of the most listened-to topics on the podcast: spiritual abuse. However, before we dive into the conversation, we recognize that we cannot address the reality of spiritual abuse without taking into account that many, many people have encountered violations of various kinds within spiritual contexts. Over the course of their conversation today, the first of two on this topic, you’ll hear more about how to define spiritual abuse in Christian contexts, tools used by spiritually abusive leaders to maintain power and control, and the insidious nature of spiritual abuse.

Listener Resources:

Register to attend Confronting Spiritual Abuse on June 5

Listen to a podcast episode, “Narcissism and the Church with Chuck DeGroat”

Listen to our very first, three-part podcast series on Spiritual Abuse

Listen to a podcast episode about the particulars of “Mind Control and Dogmatism in Spiritual Abuse”

Direct download: TAC376-SpiritualAbuse-v1.mp3
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Over the past few weeks on the podcast we’ve talked about grief on a more personal level in our lives, but we also recognize we’re in the midst of an unrelenting season of trauma and grief on a collective scale. So today, Dan and Rachael invite guests Danielle Castillejo, Rebecca Wheeler Walston, and Rev. Michael S. Chen to the podcast to continue a conversation about the nature and impact of collective grief. As you’ll hear Dan say, you may not see how your story fits into this conversation, but “part of the development of wisdom is to enter a world we may not be familiar with” and we encourage you to be open to hearing the wise words these guests have to share.

Listener Resources:

Read a blog post by Danielle Castillejo “Emergency Mental Health Care: How Therapists of Color Contend with Racial Trauma”

Direct download: TAC377-Grief3-v1.mp3
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Dan and Rachael continue a conversation about grief on the podcast, this week engaging Jeanette White, Interim Senior Director of The Allender Center. Jeanette, a dear friend and colleague of our hosts, graduated from The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology with an MA in Christian Studies in 2007 and has been an essential member of The Allender Center since its founding in 2011. As you listen to their conversation, you’ll hear them discuss in more depth Jeanette’s story and the two sides of grief—one that is messy and hard, and the other that opens your heart and eyes to the realities that we cannot engage without walking through the valley of the shadow of death. As we are in a season of collective loss, trauma, and grief, it is our hope that grief would move us to a deeper understanding of the suffering of others and ways we can come alongside and be a catalyst for care.

Listener Resources

Listen to a podcast series about “The Grief of Miscarriage

Direct download: TAC376-Grief2_v1.mp3
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This week on the podcast, Dan and Rachael begin a new series that takes a deeper look into the topic of grief. In this particular episode they engage in conversation with special guest Mary Ellen Owen, who is a core member of The Allender Center team as well as a mental health therapist with over 20 years of experience. Rachael describes her as a woman with wild depth and someone well acquainted with grief, both in her own life and the lives of those she serves. 

So, what are we talking about when we talk about grief? Over the course of their conversation, you’ll hear more about the necessity of and different kinds of grief, what boundaries we put up to avoid engaging grief, and how grief connects us to the work of Jesus and the tenderness of God.

Listener Resources

Direct download: TAC375-Grief1-v3.mp3
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In these days of what feels like endless ache and wave after wave of trauma and demand for resilience, we have the opportunity to develop a greater capacity to know who we are and who God is in the midst of this season. Today we’re re-sharing the second part of a series on qualities of a well-lived story, and we’re excited for you to revisit these conversations with our friends and partners in this work. You’ll hear from one of the most courageous people we know, Danielle Castillejo, who is a therapist, writer, activist, and podcast host, and Jimmy McGee, President and CEO of The Impact Movement, who is someone who exhibits Gospel curiosity in his life and ministry.

Direct download: TAC374-WellLivedStoryReshare2-v1.mp3
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Every day we’re reminded what it means in this odd and heartbreaking season to live well the Gospel story and the story we have been uniquely called to live. That being said, we feel right now is timely to revisit a podcast series we did about qualities of a well-lived story. Stories so deeply influence how we respond to crisis, events, the people around us, and how we live in the world, particularly as we talk about the qualities of courage, commitment, care, and that deep need for kindness. Throughout this series we talk with our spouses, friends, and colleagues that we’ve looked to to say, “this is someone who’s living well in the midst of their story,” and it is our hope that you’ll be invited to engage these themes in your own life and story.

Direct download: TAC373-WellLivedStoryReshare1-v1.mp3
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Today we’re pausing to share an important conversation with you from our partner, The Impact Movement. They host a series of panel discussions called "Real Talks" which are live conversations about real-time topics at the intersection of faith and justice. A few weeks ago, they hosted a Real Talk called "Stop Asian Hate: Christian Responses to Anti-Asian Racism" featuring Rev. Dr. Soong-Chan Rah, Rev. Sabrina Chan, and our colleague Sam Lee and former colleague Jen Oyama Murphy.

 

We are honored that Impact Movement and the panelists have given us permission to share this conversation with you. You'll hear this important and timely discussion about the surge in anti-Asian racism and violence taking place across our country. We hope you take the time to listen to this conversation and let the words and experiences of the panelists bring you closer to the truth and impact of the gospel. 

Listener Resources

Follow the Impact Movement on Facebook and Instagram

Direct download: TAC372-RealTalkReshare-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:30am PDT

Today we’re pausing to share an important conversation with you from our partner, The Impact Movement. They host a series of panel discussions called "Real Talks" which are live conversations about real-time topics at the intersection of faith and justice. A few weeks ago, they hosted a Real Talk called "Stop Asian Hate: Christian Responses to Anti-Asian Racism" featuring Rev. Dr. Soong-Chan Rah, Rev. Sabrina Chan, and our colleague Sam Lee and former colleague Jen Oyama Murphy.

 

We are honored that Impact Movement and the panelists have given us permission to share this conversation with you. You'll hear this important and timely discussion about the surge in anti-Asian racism and violence taking place across our country. We hope you take the time to listen to this conversation and let the words and experiences of the panelists bring you closer to the truth and impact of the gospel. 

Listener Resources

Follow the Impact Movement on Facebook and Instagram

Direct download: TAC372-RealTalkReshare-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:30am PDT

After spending a few minutes remembering the joys of celebrating Easter last weekend, Dan and Rachael turn to the text to walk through the resurrection story. In today’s episode, you’ll hear them step back into what the resurrection brings, which is “deadly serious play” as we get to stand before evil and darkness and say, “Oh death, where is your sting?” 

Listener Resources

Read a blog post published last spring that discusses themes of Holy Saturday titled “Noticing the Dead Things

Direct download: TAC371-ResurrectionDefiance2-v2.mp3
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It feels as though we’ve been living in a year of Lent, Dan comments, let alone the past forty days as we near the end of Holy Week. So, on this Holy Saturday, Dan and Rachael begin a timely conversation about the reality, disruption, and defiance of the resurrection. The resurrection is not meant for only sometime in the future, but for the here and now. We need to remember that though death persists, it does not have the final say. This is why, as Rachael notes, we can hold onto hope and follow in the way of Jesus, doing the holy work of living in a way that stands at odds against the status quo structures of this world.

Resources:

Follow @aapi.liturgy on Instagram

Listen to an episode on “Holding the Tension of Holy Saturday”

Read an article by Abby Wong-Heffter titled “Racism and Sexual Harm: Seeds of White Supremacy and Anti-Asian Violence”

Direct download: TAC370-ResurrectionDefiance1-v2.mp3
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Dr. Pam Davis again joins Dan and Rachael to continue their conversation about how to help kids in this year of pandemic and the many other global and social events our kids are exposed to. This week, she talks about how we can differentiate between normal mental health struggles in children, when we may need to seek help, and how to tell the difference. Listen and learn what steps you can take to engage children’s mental health and be reminded that this is not a normal time—we need an abundance of kindness both towards ourselves and those around us as we navigate this challenging season.

Direct download: TAC369-Parenting2-v1.mp3
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Dr. Pam Davis, Associate Professor of Counseling at Gordon-Conwell Seminary and Director of the Counseling Department at Charlotte campus, joins Dan and Rachael to engage the immense difficulty of parenting in a pandemic and speak directly to those working with children. You’ll hear understanding affirmations and how Dr. Davis addresses the oftentimes overwhelming challenge of needing to care for yourself in order to care for your children, the importance of play, and other vital resources to utilize in this season.

Resources:

Learn more about Dr. Pam Davis and her work

Listen to an episode from the early months of the pandemic titled “Parenting in the Midst of a Pandemic”

Read an article by Dr. Pam Davis recently published in Psychology Today titled “Fostering Resilience in Children during a Pandemic”

Read a blog post by Jay Stringer about “Good Enough Parenting in a Time of Crisis”

Direct download: TAC368-Parenting1-v2.mp3
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Following their conversation from last week about the impact of trauma on our body and our brain, Dan and Rachael turn their attention to ways we can begin to find healing in the midst of ‘trauma overload.’ This is not a prescriptive list of all the things you must do, but rather options available to you to start where and when you can. Ultimately, as Dan and Rachael come back to time and time again, it’s about being faithful in the small and the kindness of God that brings about the transformation and healing we’re most meant for.

Resources:

Register for “Trauma and the Body,” an online event exploring the impact of trauma on relationships, self, and body

Direct download: TAC367-CovidTraumaBody2-v3.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:23pm PDT

We’re coming up on a full year of living in the midst of not only a global pandemic, but multiple crises on a national, communal, and personal scale. So today, Dan and Rachael dive into a much-requested topic from our listeners: What is trauma, and what happens to our bodies in the midst of trauma? It’s important to name and honor what you’re experiencing as many of us, if we’re being honest, are not doing well, having hit our “pandemic wall” long ago. You’ll hear our hosts begin to provide language and a framework for how trauma impacts our brains, our physical bodies, and share examples of what this looks like from their own experiences.

It is our hope that by providing these definitions and categories you will be able to name what is happening in your body, be more prepared to engage trauma, and be able to tend to yourself, your family, and your community in this season.

Resources:

Register for “Trauma and the Body,” an online event exploring the impact of trauma on relationships, self, and body

Listen to the podcast episodes Dan refers to on “Not Doing Well”

Listen to a podcast episode from the beginning of the year titled “Love and Courage in a Global Pandemic”

Direct download: TAC366-CovidTraumaBody1-v2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:40am PDT

Picking up their conversation from last week, Dan and Cathy turn their attention to uncovering the roots of conflict in relationships and how we can move towards true connection. Oftentimes conflict arises because we cannot name what we truly need, or we cannot see past our own contempt—ultimately there is something keeping us from seeing the other well. Redemption is possible, but we must be willing to engage our conflict in a way we’ve not experienced before.

Resources:

Listen to the first episode in this series, “Conflict in Relationships”

Purchase access to the recording of the one-day conference “From Conflict to Connection: A Conference for Couples”

Listen to a podcast that introduces the archetypes of orphan, widow, and stranger: “Calling and Character: Prophet, Priest, King”

Listen to a podcast episode titled “Reconnection in Marriage with Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Steve Call”

Direct download: TAC325-ConflictConnection2-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

There is no doubt that we are living in a time that heightens levels of conflict and contention in our relationships. Having just finished a one-day conference on this topic, Dr. Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel talk today on the podcast about their recent, personal experiences with conflict, particularly in this pandemic era. In this season, the ways we engage in and relate to conflict look different. You’ll hear Dan and Cathy talk about the reality of this conflict, what we can learn from our styles of relating in conflict, and how, underneath it all, is a deep-seated war with desire.

Resources:

Purchase access to the recording of the one-day conference “From Conflict to Connection: A Conference for Couples”

Listen to a podcast episode on “The Reality of Marriage in COVID-19”

Read a blog post by Jay Stringer titled “Good Enough Parenting in a Time of Crisis”

Direct download: TAC324-ConflictConnection1-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

“How is your Sabbath?” As he opens the conversation on this week’s podcast, Dr. Dan Allender invites us to consider this question of ourselves. You’ll hear him and Rachael discuss the particulars of their own Sabbath practices, the wildness and play they each experience, and how Sabbath is not bound to a certain day or strict code of conduct. A true Sabbath is meant to engage both beauty and heartbreak, to stretch us, to grow us, and to show us the places where we long for the Kingdom of God in the here and now. 

Direct download: TAC323-Sabbath2-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:51pm PDT

A “day of delight” is not an easy topic to engage in the midst of this season. Nevertheless, it is a vital practice that is needed more than ever before and, as Dan surmises, is less engaged than at any other time. Listen as Dan and Rachael engage the true meaning of Sabbath, how it is meant to be a taste of the coming Kingdom of God and what we are meant for, and common misconceptions that accompany this day of restoration.

Direct download: TAC322-Sabbath1-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

This week on the podcast, Wendell Moss, a Teaching Staff member of The Allender Center, hosts special guest Dr. Brenda Salter McNeil for a conversation about her work in racial reconciliation. Dr. Salter McNeil is internationally recognized for her work in reconciliation, is an Associate Professor of Reconciliation Studies at Seattle Pacific University, and is the Associate Pastor of Preaching and Reconciliation at Quest Church in Seattle. You’ll hear more about Dr. Salter McNeil’s background, the transformative changes she’s made in her work of racial reconciliation and her exhortations to both the White evangelical church and People of Color in the church.

Direct download: TAC321-BecomingBrave-v2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

As a follow up to last week’s conversation, Dr. Chuck DeGroat returns to the podcast to answer listener questions about narcissism with Dan and Rachael. How are we to engage a person who might be a parent, spouse, or spiritual leader who has narcissistic characteristics? How do we engage a narcissist with wisdom? And, on a larger scale, how do we recognize the symptoms of a narcissistic church culture?

We are deeply grateful for our community, for your bravery in asking these vulnerable questions. We ask that, as you listen to this conversation, you pay attention to what it stirs in your body and give yourself the care and space you need to engage.

Listener Resources:

Follow Chuck DeGroat on Twitter

Read Chuck’s book, When Narcissism Comes to Church

Learn more about Chuck and the resources he offers

Listen to the first podcast episode in a series on Spiritual Abuse

Direct download: TAC320-NarcissismListenerQuestions-v2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:41pm PDT

Today on the podcast, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen have a timely conversation with Chuck DeGroat, professor of Counseling and Christian Spirituality at Western Theological Seminary, licensed therapist, and spiritual director. He is the author of Leaving Egypt: Finding God in the Wilderness Places as well as When Narcissism Comes to Church, which serves as the primary topic of conversation throughout this episode. In this special episode, you’ll learn more about the characteristics of narcissism, how Chuck came to address narcissism in the context of the church (particularly in the realm of church planting), and the reckoning that is taking place in the church today to dismantle structures of narcissism.

Direct download: TAC318-Narcissism-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:30am PDT

This past year was unlike any other we’ve experienced. Our plans, goals, resolutions, and carefully crafted calendars for 2020 were all but thrown out the window as a result of the pandemic. It’s normal to look back at the year with grief  for all that was lost and not accomplished. The feeling of regret, however, can become so heavy that it pulls us down into a cycle of negative thinking, contempt, and judgement. How then are we to begin a new year with grace for ourselves in order to move forward into all that 2021 has to offer?

Last year, Dan and Becky addressed the issue of regret, and how so often our regrets inhibit us from reflecting well on the past. To address regret, Dan says, we need to be able to acknowledge that it is a “cheap counterfeit” of what we are afraid of, which is allowing our hearts to open to what we most desire in relationship with others. Regret has the ability to open ourselves to dreams and desires, but we need to ask ourselves: Can we bless our desires, even in the midst of this sadness?

Direct download: TAC317-BeginningAndEndingRegretReshare-v2.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT

We may be at the start of a new year, but that does not mean we leave all of what transpired in 2020 behind—this season will continue to ask much of us. As you’ll hear Dan comment, it’s no surprise we now find ourselves at the “intersection between dread and incredible hope.” While not the typical tone that accompanies a New Year’s podcast episode, Dan and Rachael instead present us with an unusual invitation to slow down, to be gentle with ourselves, and allow ourselves to taste something of hope.

Direct download: TAC316-NewYear-v1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 6:00am PDT