“You can’t plan grief. You can’t plan when or how or what will occur,” says Dr. Dan Allender, “But there is something that has to be a decision perhaps made well before. Will I go into these waters or will I remain on the side?”

In today’s podcast conversation, Dan and Rachael welcome Mary Ellen Owen, Counselor in Colorado Springs and Instructor and Facilitator at the Allender Center. They take a look at the process of moving through grief and moving from our heads to our hearts and bodies.

Mary Ellen shares, “If you’re just a theological head exercise, you won’t move through grief. And there is another side… there is a lightness that comes. But… only if you do this in an embodied way.” Listen as she vulnerably shares some of her personal stories about her practices of grief.

Note: This episode contains some explicit language; listener discretion is advised.

After a relationship has ruptured, can there be repair? Dan and Rachael continue to talk through the cycle of friendship and the difficult process of reconciling a cherished friendship gone awry.

Dan asks, “How do you go how you trust someone who's already harmed you to open the door to desire? Because to do that feels like you're now taking on way more than the original wound. You're taking on that shame on you first time for hurting me, shame on me the second time that I actually opened myself to further harm by wishing and opening the door to reconciliation.”

Rachael shares, “It really does take a radical kind of hope. It takes a radical kind of vulnerability, humility, patience.”

Listen as they talk through their personal experiences of rupture and repair, and the wisdom we can find in Romans 12 to “be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer,” as we move toward reconciliation and restoration.

Why do friendships end? Perhaps there was a betrayal, the friendship was hard to maintain, or life happens. Whatever the reason, losing a friendship is hard. In this first conversation of a two-part series. Dan and Rachael talk about the very real feelings of loss, grief, anger that can accompany the loss of a friendship.

Be sure to come back next week as we continue the conversation by talking through the hope of repentance, reconciliation, and restoration that’s possible in the wake of lost friendships.

Our tendency to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn when we feel when we’re triggered is often a response to something from our past. The work is not to eliminate all triggers, but to understand why you’re feeling triggered, how to defuse them when they come, and when to take a moment to slow down to care for our body, mind, and soul in response to those triggers.

Listen to Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen discuss some of their triggers and some of their strategies for defusing those triggers in this week’s episode of the Allender Center Podcast.

How do you know that someone in your life is setting you up for harm? While we don’t want to promote paranoia, it’s important to be aware of some of the common strategies of those who perpetrate harm against you, whether that is spiritual, sexual, relational, financial, or emotional harm. 

Dan begins this episode by saying, “We are meant to expose the schemes of evil, and we can't expose them if we're not aware of them. But to become aware, we're dabbling in some degree of darkness, of the violation of human dignity.” 

So dear listeners, please be aware that this episode covers the sensitive topic of abuse, and we advise you to exercise self-awareness and self-care should you choose to listen. 

As Rachael says, “Our hope is to help loosen the binds, not create more burdens. We'll try to move tenderly and gently with wisdom, but also boldness.”